


Courage

by seveillon



Series: JeanMarco Week 2014 [5]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Related, Canonical Character Death, Sad, Short, Short One Shot, canonverse, im still not over marco's death, read it and weep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-24
Updated: 2014-10-24
Packaged: 2018-02-22 11:50:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2506775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seveillon/pseuds/seveillon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For JeanMarco Week<br/>Day 5: Ash</p>
            </blockquote>





	Courage

The pyre burned high and hot, casting off a sweltering heat that kept the other cadets at bay. Jean stepped closer, ignoring the scorching flames. He welcomes the physical pain, using it as a mask to cover the emotion turmoil brewing inside of him. His friends were on there. Marco was on there. Burning away into nothing. Into ash.

_I can’t believe this happened to you._

Skilled as he was at using the three-dimensional maneuvering gear, good at following orders and keeping calm when everyone else was panicked, it hadn’t been enough. 

 _If only you could’ve survived for one more day, Marco. You could’ve gone off to join the Military Police and live your life safe in the interior, doing good and protection your king._  
  
The fire snapped. Embers shot out, cascading down in a beautiful and macabre shower. The breeze from the roaring flames blew them in Jean’s direction. He didn’t care. He swiped at them impatiently, leaving soot and small holes on his clothes.

_I still remember the last words you said to me.  
‘You’re not strong. That’s why you understand how the weak feel. You’re adept at properly accessing a situation, so you exactly what has to be done at any given time. Your orders were appropriate. Which was why I was able to jump and why I’m here alive.’_

_If only that was enough. If only I could have been with you and kept you safe._

Hot tears gathered at the corners of Jean’s eyes, remembering the encouraging words. He bent down, picking up a bone shard from the ground.

 _I can’t even tell which bones are yours anymore._  
  
His fists clenched at his sides, as his mind argued with himself with what he wanted to do and what he should do.

_I will be the leader you always thought I could be, Marco._

He walked over to Sasha, Christa, and Ymir. Connie was curled in a ball on the ground. Their sadness and desperation was written all over their faces as they watched the bodies of their fallen comrades burn. “Have you decided which corps you’re going to join?” He asked. “I’ve made my decision. I’m… I’m...” Jean’s face contorted, still struggling to come to terms with his decision. “I’m joining the Scouting Regiment!”

~

  
Hours later, once the flames and embers had died down to nothing, Jean returned to the pyre. He ran a hand through the ash, gathering up a handful. _I don’t even know whose ashes these are._

Jean had made his decision though. He would fight, and try to protect his friends. “I don’t think I could handle it if anymore people I cared about died,” he whispered to the pyre, speaking to Marco in his memory.

With a broken sob he opened his hand, letting the ashes be blown away in the breeze. With it went his doubt and trepidation. Stealing himself against the cruel world, Jean left the pyre behind, and went to the ceremony, preparing to dedicate himself to humanity.

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly couldn't think of anything besides this canon related drabble  
> Or a Cinderella AU  
> But I don't have time for that right now  
> But omg can you imagine a Cinderella AU??! I might revisit that idea  
> Tomorrow's theme is "Uniform" and I have a fluffy idea in mind, so hopefully it won't be so depressing!


End file.
